August 5, 2018

I have always thought of myself as many things, or labels, when it comes to my faith… a cradle Catholic, a christened Catholic, a confirmed Catholic and, of course, married in the Catholic church. All pretty much according to plan.

Almost five years ago, my plan took an unexpected turn. After more than three decades of marriage, I added another label : divorced Catholic.

My entire life was thrown into a tailspin. I had married while still in college and living at home. I went straight from my parents’ home to an apartment in married student housing.

In 34 years I had never experienced living alone, purchased a house on my own or paid all the bills by myself. What’s more, after many career moves benefiting both myself and my former spouse, I found myself living 900 miles from the nearest family member outside my ex-husband and daughter. To say it was a lonely, dark time in my life is a huge understatement.

In the first year after the divorce, I spent time asking myself questions the answers to which I either didn’t know or couldn’t face. Why me? How had I gotten to this place? Was I ever going to be able to dig myself out of the abyss and move on?

Like many of my contemporaries, I had grown up thinking marriage was for life, that my husband and I would grow old and crotchety together. Instead, we grew apart, which wasn’t part of the plan.

What I didn’t spend a lot time thinking about was my faith. After all, I had always been told that divorced Catholics were basically excommunicated, that divorced Catholics couldn’t take communion and that divorce and Catholicism were two words that were not uttered in the same sentence.

After a lifetime of involvement in my local parish, whether it was in Illinois, Missouri, Maryland or New Jersey, I suddenly felt I no longer belonged. I no longer fit into the Catholic mold.

I began to wonder if I had abandoned my faith or if my faith had abandoned me.

That is before I literally stumbled across Notre Dame of Mt. Carmel landing squarely in a faith community that not only welcomed me, but also had a ministry devoted to divorced and separated Catholics. What???

In September 2015, I began an incredible journey of healing and self-discovery in a 12-week program called “The Divorced Catholic’s Survival Guide” (since renamed “Surviving Divorce”).

I walked into the room completely ready for NOTHING to help me. In fact, if I had had to check my anger and resentment for my situation at the door, I would have never made it into the room.

The anger and resentment didn’t disappear overnight. The weekly sessions included a video featuring real people…real Catholics…who had been angry, hurt, sad, resentful and yet not only survived divorce, but came out the other side even stronger.

At the same time, the professionals and theologians in the video helped dispel many of my misconceptions about acceptance of divorced Catholics within the faith.

Most importantly, I got to know the other group participants who became friends, confidants and shoulders to cry on my journey toward healing.

Today I am not the same person who entered the meeting room in September 2015. I laugh more, I cry less. The experience was so life-changing that for the past two years I’ve joined the team to help lead and facilitate the group.  I honestly do not know where I would have ended up had it not been for the healing in my mind, heart and soul. I will be eternally grateful for the life I now have before me and that of the others who have grown through this ministry.

If you or someone you know is experiencing or has experienced the pain of separation/divorce, please feel free to reach out to Patty Migliore-Torres, Mike Letterese or the parish office (contact info in this bulletin). Oh, and me, of course. I’m from the Midwest and always happy to talk (we tend to tell our life stories to others standing in line at the grocery store). I can most often be found running around the parish carrying a camera.

I wouldn’t have believed it then, but there really is life, healing and faith after divorce.

Denise Panyik-Dale ([email protected])
 

December 14, 2016

Healing Encountered Through "A Catholic's Divorce Survival Series"
Led by three amazing ND disciples, a small group of folks from our community began back in September, the 12-week journey "A Catholic's Divorce Survival Guide." Their series concluded a couple of weeks ago.

This is the third year our parish has offered this journey; there is no doubt that with the blessing and guidance of the Holy Spirit, this program and the leadership of this ministry has brought healing, peace and hope to those who answered the call to be a part it. As we share below some thoughts from participants, let us pray others who have faced the pain of separation or divorce find the courage to search for Christ's healing, peace and hope. A new series will be offered here at ND beginning in September, 2017.

• "This program has given me a chance to recover from Divorce and begin to put my life back together with 10 new friends who are on a similar journey and who also share my Catholic faith."

• "We came for healing of ourselves and realized that we could be helpful to each other's healing. And that our future will be better as a result of our taking these positive steps.

• I know that my outlook on life has been positively changed by this experience."

• "I found that missing piece of the healing process, the piece that finally allowed me to close a painful chapter in my life, come to peace with life and move forward."

• "Each person brought something special and unique to the discussion. I think we all shared some very personal feelings with the comfort of knowing we would not be judged."

• "Thank you listening and sharing and supporting. The power of community is awesome and our faith is strong and bonded us together."

• " The information presented, camaraderie and group dynamics were wonderful and I felt very supported and empowered throughout this program.  The segment on sexuality was really the only one that left me feeling very down because it focused on sexuality between couples when married and the connection between sexuality and spirituality.  I realize it wasn’t the intention but this segment  just emphasized the loss of my  marriage, which for most of us was unwelcome and painful. I do understand the Roman Catholic teachings but hope this will be updated down the road to reflect more on how to deal with this particular loss and how to help us move forward.  I am very grateful for the opportunity to be involved in this program and grateful to Notre Dame of Mt. Carmel for this important ministry."